Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The Cornbread Conundrum

I'm curious as to why, being humans, we pursue things we can't have. More precisely, why do we want things that are directly bad for us?

For me, it's cornbread. Don't ask me why. I tell people it's probably the cornmeal, because although I don't like corn (kernels or on the cob) for processing reasons, I can eat them without any reaction other than having to spend a few extra minutes with the floss. But when asked by friends why I continue to eat cornbread, my only answer is "Becausshh it'shh sshoo delishusshh" in between bites.

Now it's already been well documented (by me) and witnessed (by others) that I have a strange tongue. I have what's known in layman's terms as geographic tongue. That could in fact be the medical term as well. I don't know; Damnit Jim! I'm a college student, not a doctor!

What this condition does is cause my tongue to look like a map leading to buried treasure. Normally, this would be great. But, unfortunately, the map seems to change everyday.

So treasureless and with a weird-looking tongue, I eat cornbread. But, again unfortunately, the home of my tastebuds begins to swell after I swallow the sweet, soft, succulent samp-sustenance. Different sections of my tongue feel as though they are being stabbed by tiny men wielding firebrands. Still I eat, though.

Should I continue to eat this mushy form that causes me such woe? Should a gym rat continue to use 'roids even though his testicles have practically reverted to their prepubescent days? Should a girl continue to fast so that she looks great in a pair of jeans?

I think the answer to all of these questions is a most obvious YES. While these don't affect the rest of society (except the last one, in a good way), it is important that everyone have at least one minor vice. This way they don't replace that vice with something worse.

Instead of eating cornbread, I could be smokin' crack. Instead of shooting up 'roids, he could be smokin' crack. Instead of being an anorexic, she could be smokin' crack. So not only are we NOT smoking crack, we are actually helping society in the war on drugs by maintaining our current bad habits.

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