This is my long overdue travelogue from our annual road trip to Florida to visit my parents. In our first year of dating, when we began the road trip tradition (that is, the tradition of going on cross-country road trips together but not necessarily this Florida road trip), my wife and I wanted to have the journey be just as memorable as the destination. Because we both love food, we thought to focus the travel stops around local eateries rather than quick-stop fast food joints. If such dining establishments offered T-shirts or other wearable swag for purchase by which we could remember them, all the better. Thus follows a travelogue that is 70% food related, 6% gun related, and 24% random thoughts. (Seeing that at the time of publishing pandemic hysteria continues mostly unabated, I trust that, like with COVID-19 data, no one will check my numbers here.)
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Our journey, as always these days, began in Chicago, Illinois. When I say "Chicago" I mean the heart of the city and not the suburbs or collar counties or even central Illinois. The misery inflicted on the residents of Chicago is unique enough that those who reside outside the limits (reaches?) of City Hall should not be allowed to claim to come from here when speaking to non-Illinois residents. Thus, we left from Buckboldt Square micro-neighborhood, my amalgamation of the small area where our house is that is simultaneously claimed and not claimed by the [West] Bucktown, Humboldt Park, and Logan Square neighborhoods. We hopped on the I-90/94 Expressway heading "East" (South) and were lucky to get out of the city in about an hour. (Insert comment about how Chicagoans refer to the expressways by their deceased politicians' names. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was America!)
For our first stop, we found the Zip & Sip in Vincennes, Indiana. My wife saw fish sandwich on the online menu, so of course they didn't have it. She saw fried shrimp on the in-store menu, so of course they didn't have it. And as we left she wanted their knock-off blizzard, the "Wizzard", with Reeses Cup and Butterfinger, so of course they were out of both of those. I got a double cheeseburger that was nothing to write home about (probably Bubba Burger patties that may have been microwaved), but the fried mac and cheese bites were pretty tasty.
We drove through lots more flat, boring Indiana countryside before making it to Fort Campbell just on the Kentucky/Tennessee border. Stopped into Wal-Mart to get gas and use the restroom and let the girls stretch their legs, and it was an experience as Wal-Mart tends to be. The front Men's room was closed for cleaning, so I trekked to the one in the back of the store. As I walked through sections of the store I was amazed at how incredibly affordable so many products are. Wrangler jeans, a well known name brand, for under $20/pair. 50" flat screen TVs for under $400. It's a marvel that the store not only DOESN'T go out of business, but actually thrives with such prices. My sister-in-law insists that she heard Wal-Mart has some deal with electronics manufacturers to produce cheaper-made versions sent exclusively to the store, which is why the prices are so low. I just nodded along when she said that, because it sounds like typical anti-Wal-Mart bias. Any big box store makes its money by selling way more than a person intended to buy. The only way to beat Wal-Mart or Target or Costco, etc., is to make a list and stick to it.
[Note: It was obvious to me then but more obvious now, in 2021, that such big box stores also make their money by benefiting from the obscene amount of regulation that many times they help right (or lobby for). Wal-Mart and its ilk have stayed open and in business because they are "essential" stores offering "groceries" or other items, while smaller businesses that might compete with only one or two of Wal-Mart's areas are forced to close down for in-person shopping because of COVID-19 restrictions.]
I try not to judge other parents (a difficult task, to be sure). While leaving the restroom, however, there was a woman with two kids and the younger one's face was so grody and covered in old food and crusty snot. My wife has drilled into me to wipe Mabel's nose at the first sign of snot, so I'm probably more sensitive to it, but it was still shocking to see such apathy about a kid's appearance. Suffice it to say, the PeopleOfWalmart.com website is not lacking for content, sadly.
We stayed a day with my wife's friend and her family outside Clarksville, TN. The woman's husband is an attorney as well, but unfortunately the days we visited were midweek so he didn't have much free time for us to talk outside of dinner at O'Charleys the first night. (Love those hot buttery rolls! Not a euphemism, though our waitress did kind of look like Taylor Swift and comped us on Kids Eat Free AND free pie Wednesday, of which you're supposed to only get one or the other.) The friend and their six year old daughter are two sides of the same coin; they're like the living embodiment of the Warner Brothers singing frog. Lots of energy and singing and showmanship over the 36 hours we were with them, but it was a lot of fun and my deadpan humor was welcome.
After leaving Clarksville, we drove along I-24 to Chattanooga. The few times I've passed through Chattanooga as an adult really leaves
me thinking that this is a place I could move to. Between the
picturesque location tucked into the Tennessee River Valley at the base
of Lookout Mountain, and its proximity to Nashville or Atlanta for
travel, it seems to have a lot to offer. For lunch we stopped at St. Elmo's Deli & Grill, where I ordered a club sandwich with side salad and my wife ordered the pimento grilled cheese with sweet potato tots. The food was excellent, though my wife could only finish half of her
sandwich because of how rich it was. The service was pleasantly
southern: that over-the-top hospitality that makes you feel
simultaneously like a member of the family and a foreign dignitary.
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| St. Elmo's Deli and Grill: club sandwich with side salad |
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| St. Elmo's Deli and Grill: pimento grilled cheese and sweet potato tots |
We took a 45-minute detour to find Mabel Street in Chattanooga near the university, but it was worth it even if it put us into the heart of Atlanta during Friday night rush hour.
Atlanta has probably the worst traffic structure I've ever driven in.
Chicago highways are always under construction, Miami has a mixture of
old people driving 35 mph and street racers going 140 mph on bikes, but
Atlanta's insane weaving of I-75 and I-85 and HOV lanes make the rest seem like the Golden Streets of Heaven. There's a reason the bypass is numbered I-285, because
you're either going two or 85 miles per hour.
For dinner, we stopped at Gusto! in Atlanta. It's an Atlanta-based chain with a handful of locations, so we felt we were still honoring our "eat local" mantra even though it is a chain restaurant. The style is
similar to a Naf Naf or Roti or Chipotle where you can build your own
meal based on a set menu of options. I thought the flavor combos set
it apart enough from those other Mediterranean restaurants and Tex-Mex options.
We seemed to be one of only a few people to dine in, but it was
Valentine's Day night and there was a steady stream of customers
while we waited. I heard they're opening two more locations soon, so I
think they're doing pretty well.
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| Gusto!: Chipotle mango chicken salad |
Finally made it down to Macon area for the night, and it was Mabel's first time in a hotel room. The Super 8 had a portable crib that kind of looked like a death trap, but we got it set up and jury-rigged a blanket over the alcove leading to the bathroom to provide some semblance of a blackout curtain for her. Plus, continental waffle breakfast in the morning!
The next morning we would complete the southern leg of our journey. We stopped for lunch at The Cuban Guy Grill, Lake City, Florida. Despite its inauspicious appearance--a food truck outside a gas station--this had to be one of the best meals we had in our 3-4 days on the road. The black beans and yellow rice were savory and delectable. My wife ordered the devil crab sandwich, which was almost as big as her head, with double fried french fries. I ordered a Cubano (how could I not???) and Mabel shared a bit of everything.
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| The Cuban Guy Grill, Lake City, FL |
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| Mrs. Brand and the devil crab sandwich |
We arrived at my parents' timeshare in Orlando around 4:00 pm. Mabel was relieved to be mostly out of the car for the next seven days. For dinner that night my dad had prepared some burnt ends and some side dishes that 11 months later I cannot remember.
The Sunday following our arrival was my birthday. Happy Birthday to me! There was no better plan for a birthday that I could think of than what I ended up doing. The day started out with driving to my parents' church, Grace Bible Church in Titusville, FL. My dad recently closed his church down but fortunately they were able to get connected quickly with this church, where the pastor is a longtime friend (and former coworker at FedEx) of my dad's. The teaching is strong and grounded in the Bible, and staying after the service to speak with many of the attendees showed me that many are strong, mature Christians who have a deep understanding of God's Word. I'm grateful that God led them to such a wonderful community.
After church, my wife, mom, and Mabel all drove back to Orlando, while my dad and I stayed in Titusville to eat lunch from the Publix deli. I got the chicken tender sub, tossed in hot buffalo sauce with ranch, blue cheese crumbles, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles. In the sub sandwich wars, battle lines have been drawn for less. I will just say that when in Florida (or The South near a Publix), you'd be doing yourself a disservice to not try this sandwich. We took our sandwiches to-go and ate them in the car outside the Police Hall of Fame shooting range, which was to be our next stop for the day.
I don't recall the exact year that my dad became a "gun nut", but for me it's definitely been in the past couple of years. [Note: Upon completing Unintended Consequences by John Ross around Thanksgiving 2020, I am firmly in the "gun nut" camp myself. Combining this newfound passion with the debt freedom we now possess, the only question is when, not if, I purchase more guns.] For our shooting pleasure, my dad brought a SIG P938 9mm, Glock 36 compact .45, Glock 19 compact 9mm, Rock Island 1911 MS .45, Rock Island 1911 FS .45, and his Colt Trooper MK III .357 Magnum. My dad prefers his Glocks, but I like the heft of the 1911s. And the Colt Trooper was just pure fun to shoot.
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| From 18': red line shows .38 special, blue line was .38 powder + hollow points, and the unmarked were .357 magnum hollow points |
After shooting, we drove back to Orlando and met some of my friends from college and their new baby at Sonny's BBQ near Orlando International Airport for dinner. My wife and daughter, as well as my mom met us there as well, as did my sister, brother in law, and niece who had arrived for a few days in the timeshare with us. Sonny's BBQ was a staple during my college years and the years immediately following while I still lived in Orlando. A group of us would get together every Friday for a ritual we aptly named "Sonny's Friday". (Many occasional participants would always ask us whether there was a special deal on Fridays. "No, just a group of friends going to get BBQ on a Friday night.") I ordered my standard all-you-can-eat sliced pork with garlic bread (Texas toast), mac and cheese, and baked beans. The key with Sonny's AYCE is to put in a reorder (at least of the meat)
as soon as the initial batch of food is delivered. That keeps a steady
supply of meat on one's plate, and reorders of sides can be added as
desired. I ended up having 3 reorders of sliced pork, and one reorder
each mac and cheese, fries, and bread.
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| Sonny's BBQ: AYCE sliced pork dinner |
I also ordered a Sonny's red ale. Back in college the restaurant served alcohol at some locations, but never its own beer. In recent years they've partnered with Anheuser-Busch for a Sonny's-exclusive beer. Unfortunately, the waitress came by to tell us that they were out of baked beans, so I switched to crinkle cut fries with a side of ranch dressing to dip in. Two others had to adjust their order as well. A couple minutes later she said they were out of sweet potatoes, which affected another three people in our group. The sweet potatoes are delightfully fluffy, and melted cinnamon butter spread over the top takes it up another level, so it was disappointing to miss out on those also.
Overall, it was a great birthday with family and friends: delicious food, wonderful conversation, fellowship and study of God's Word with other Christian brothers and sisters, and enjoying my second amendment-protected, God-given right to bear and fire some arms.
On President's Day we mostly took it easy. We went to one of the resort's pools for a couple of hours. Mabel hadn't been in the pool since we visited last year, and back then she just sat in the little inflatable raft my wife bought, looking super chill the whole time. So it was a lot of fun to see her excited about splashing and bouncing around in the water. She has a ways to go before she's competing for gold medals or anything, though. For lunch I heated up some leftover burnt ends and made a ham, turkey, and Swiss cheese sandwich, all Boars Head sliced products.
For dinner that night we arranged a pasta bar: three types of pasta, three types of sauce, and both chicken and ground beef to add as topping. We ended the night playing Bananagrams and then Taboo, which despite being guys vs. girls ironically ended in a tie.
On Tuesday we spent more time at the largest of the four pools in the resort. This pool area included a splash pad that the two girls could swim in. Of course my wife thought the water was TOO COLD, because it was a chilly 73 outside. Even so, we stuck it out and enjoyed the afternoon and some snocones before going back to the room for a taco bar: chicken fajitas, seasoned beef, or seasoned tilapia as the primary ingredients. We ended the night by playing a Bananagrams again and then watching Yesterday.
My dad had to go back to work on Wednesday morning. It was also my sister's family's last day at the resort, so we once again spent time at the pool. We were back at the "warm one", much to my wife's satisfaction.
My mom gave my wife and I a night out by putting Mabel to bed. Because our resort is so close to Disney and the myriad restaurant and entertainment options the parks offer, we had a variety of options available. We decided to eat at Hemingway's in the Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress Resort. I ordered the Matador Burger, which consisted of a grilled beef tenderloin steak and lobster tail, horseradish cheddar cheese and toppings on a squid ink bun and truffle fries on the side. My wife ordered the Duval Street Shrimp Scampi: pappardelle pasta with jumbo tiger shrimp and fried green tomatoes in a white wine butter sauce.
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| Hemingway's: Matador Burger with truffle fries |
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| Hemingway's: Duval Street Shrimp Scampi |
Following dinner, we walked around the pool at the resort for a while and enjoyed the warm evening air. Well, warm for us coming from Chicago in February. The locals might have thought it was a bit brisk. From there, we drove a few miles to Universal CityWalk to walk around and see the shops, but mostly to buy some Cinnabon. Universal has built some new attractions since the last time I'd been there (having grown up not far from Orlando and matriculating at the University of Central Florida on the other side of the city), including a steampunk-like candy store and restaurant. It was fun to walk through, but the prices turned us off and cinnamon rolls were already calling to us.
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| Cinnabon |
Thursday was our last day at the pool, as Friday we were already planning on driving to Tampa to visit a friend, and the weather was dipping down into the high 50s/low 60s. We took full advantage and went in the morning and afternoon. Dinner was yellow rice and black beans, but my mom hadn't been able to get Cuban bread so we just used a baguette.We ended the night by watching the biopic Harriet on DVD. The resort has a DVD rental service with many favorites and also some new releases available for only $1. I was hoping to get First Man, the story of Neil Armstrong and his journey to the moon, but it was always checked out when I visited the resort office.
On Friday, we drove over to Tampa to my childhood friend Stephanie. I've known her for about 20 years, beginning with one of my dad's former churches and continuing through middle school when I rode in her mom's carpool. She invited us to the Florida Aquarium on her annual pass. We met her and her 13-month old son. We saw many incredible animals, but the highlight of the day (if not my adult life) was when a roseate spoonbill mistook my wife's ponytail for a bunch of weeds or grass and started chomping at her, causing my wife to scream in panic and abandon our child in the middle of the walkway. Everyone was fine, which is what made the whole thing so much funnier.
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| At Large: roseate spoonbill |
After the aquarium, we drove to Coppertail Brewing Co. in Ybor City. My friend's husband owns the brewery and gave us a tour before we sat down for lunch. I ordered a steak sandwich and 4 taster beers. My notes on each of the beers follows:
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| Coppertail Brewing Co.: Florida Special (lager), Unholy (Belgian tripel), Purple Drink (sour), Some Uh Dhss (saison) |
- Florida Special: easy drinker, like a session ale but it's a lager
- Unholy: dangerously smooth, with a good hop profile for a Belgian
- Purple Drink: I'm a big fan of sours, and this one delivered the punch
- Some Uh Dhss: the crispness of a farmhouse ale but the tart flavors of a sour
We also split buffalo cauliflower and a pretzel with beer cheese as an appetizer. The couple also generously sent me home with 3 packs of beer (and probably would have given me more). [Note: With both delicious food and beer, I wish this brewery the best and am thrilled to see that they've managed to stay in business during the 2020 shutdowns.]
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| Coppertail Brewing Co.: buffalo cauliflower bites and pretzel with beer cheese |
We drove back to Orlando and my mom cobbled together leftovers to make homemade nachos and cauliflower cheese soup. We also tried to rent First Man but it was unavailable again, so we settled for MIB International. Their both "space" movies, right? It was not a wise investment of our time. Chris Hemsworth gave a serviceable performance as the aloof and heroic Agent H, who cannot really remember why he is so highly praised but decides to play the part within Bureau anyway. Tessa Thompson, cast as new recruit Agent M, failed to deliver. I think the directors were hoping the two actors' collaboration on Thor: Ragnarok would give them something to build on here, but Thompson has all the on-screen charisma of a dead fish. She seems to be living the same pissed-off, drunk Valkyrie character from Ragnarok with nowhere near the same motivations for her character in this film.
We left early on Saturday to try to make it up to Atlanta by dinner. We wanted to meet my college friend and roommate in Lake City for brunch, but his fiancée was recovering from food poisoning and they couldn't make it. I will take him at his word and not assume it was a dodge to avoid driving an hour to meet us.
We stopped for lunch at the Georgia welcome center and had a picnic outside. It was chillier than we expected, so we didn't dawdle. We drove a few miles further and stopped at a $3 or less book store. We kept seeing the signs on the way down but didn't stop, so we decided to take advantage on the northern leg. The store actually seemed to be a primarily Christian publishing outlet or something, as there were hundreds of copies of the same 40-50 devotionals and Christian worldview books, though there were a few shelves for a more eclectic collection of books. My wife found quite a few children's books that were on our "to buy" list, and I found a photography on the Hebrides, which I've always wanted to visit since hearing Mendelssohn's ode to the island chains, as well as a book about the life of Bill Murray to give to my friend for his birthday in April. [Note: That day has long since come and gone without my being able to give him the gift. The best we could manage was a Zoom birthday call with about 15 of us who taught English in Japan together. Another fun occasion marred by COVID-19 hysteria.] I saved a marker on Google maps so that we can try to visit the store again on future trips.
We drove on to Atlanta and passed by the Ron Clark Academy. Before I met my wife, I knew of Ron Clark (and barely, at that) from the biopic about him starring Matthew Perry. The North Carolina-bred man graduated from college and, after teaching in North Carolina for a few years, moved to New York City to teach in a Harlem public school. He saw the difference that a passionate teacher can make in the lives of troubled students, and about ten years later he co-founded his school in Atlanta, Georgia. The school emphasizes an "all-in" mentality from the kids, the parents, the teachers, and even the community. Since meeting and then marrying my wife, who has had the good fortune of touring the school in person during a teacher training seminar and meeting the man himself, I have seen the effect that his ideas can have in a classroom of just a single teacher. So it's no wonder that having an entire school dedicated to that mindset has earned him spots on Oprah Winfrey's show and New York Times' bestseller list. Being a Saturday evening, though, we were afforded only a slow pass around the front entrance of the school before continuing further into the city to meet my wife's friend and former co-teacher at Ponce City Market. We walked down the Beltline to a skatepark and playground, then walked back to the market for dinner. I ordered broth-less ramen and a Sapporo.
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| Ton Ton: Invincible Dan Dan ramen |
The next day we were driving to my uncle's in Bowling Green, Kentucky. We made pretty good time, but had to stop for lunch outside a random gas station when Mabel started losing it. All was not lost, however, when the exit we fortuitously chose happened to be the same one where the historic distillery for George Dickel Tennessee Whiskey is located. I stopped in to see if they had some cool swag for my buddy who was a huge Dickel Rye fan (before he stopped drinking), but disappointingly learned that Dickel Rye is not made at the same distillery as Dickel Tennessee Whisky. Nevertheless, I still purchased an iron-on patch and maybe a T-shirt... can't remember now.
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| The Man, The Myth, The Legend: George Dickel |
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| George Dickel Tennessee Whisky distillery |
We continued unabated for the rest of the day's drive and made it to my uncle's house for the evening. The following morning we went out with him and his wife for breakfast and hoped to visit a new place that he'd heard about, but because it was Monday and many businesses take Mondays off after (presumably) the busy weekend, it was closed. So instead, we went to IHOP for the third year in a row. I think this is how most traditions start: not out of passion but rather complacency.
On the drive back to Chicago, we drove through Louisville and stopped at a park for a stretch break. Unfortunately, any time this little girl gets into a swing she's a bit of a drama queen when we have to take her back out of it.
As we were driving back toward the interstate, we passed the Louisville Slugger Field so I snapped a quick picture of that as well.
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| Louisville Slugger Field |
For a late lunch/early dinner that afternoon, we chose Shapiro's Delicatessen in Indianapolis, Indiana. I ordered a corned beef sandwich on sourdough and the picture below lets you know that this was an authentic delicatessen. I think the extra -catessen to describe a restaurant can only be earned by places that stack the meat that high on the bread, and this place lived up to the hype. The homemade potato salad was top-class as well.
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| Shapiro's Delicatessen: Corned beef sandwich on sourdough, with potato salad. |
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