Why I Must Have Been Adopted

The rest of my family won't openly admit it, but I am too good looking to be a biological part of this clan.

In an unofficial survey my friend conducted on campus, in which he asked random girls if I had random good looks, every girl said yes, and only one hesitated long enough for me to tilt my head at a different angle before she too agreed.

I have blonde hair, which my dad had growing up but now has brown hair if he doesn't shave his head bald. My sister only had blonde hair until about age 12, and now she dyes it so I don't even know what it naturally was. My mom has alwasy had brown curly hair; fortunately she grows it out now because I told her she looks like a Jewish boy when it is cut short.

My dad has blue eyes; my mom and sister both have brown. I have the good fortune of my eye color changing based on what color shirt I am wearing. It's really quite spectacular, and I have received many compliments from the ladies about this thing.

While I do not have an athlete's body, I am still in the best shape of my family, and have a crazy good metabolism. I do not have to be an Adonnis to still be better looking than the rest of my family.

Before you condemn me for being to boastful, or hating on my fam, know that I never asked for my "obvious good looks" ^TM. And there's no reason the Brand curse has to be passed on genetically: The guys want to be like us, and the girls want to be with us. It's a tough life I live.